Thank you for sharing your personal story. I believe that telling our stories is important for healing ourselves and helping others to heal. Making deep connections has always been a source of happiness for me, rather than having many superficial relationships.
I can recognize from your description that I was a very sensitive child and being empathetic was very valuable in my career as a teacher of young children. I always connected with those who were ‘outside the bubble’.
Thank you, Maya for making me feel seen! Special people like you who see others outside of the "norm" are very important. Not all people have that gift. I'm so glad to know that you chose a career as a teacher of young children. May all children be so lucky as to have someone like this in their lives. 💖🙏
Bravo, Michelle. 👏👏 I loved this. As a Highly Sensitive Child/Person, I can relate to much of what you shared. I too grew up outside the bubble. I always have felt apart from, rather than part of. And there were definitely things kids discussed that I just didn't comprehend. Like you, as one of the youngest in my class,I was academically advanced, but emotionally and socially behind.
You've presented yourself and your experiences so beautifully and in a way I think many can relate to. You contribute to this online community in unique and special ways. Keep it up!
Thank you! 🙏 Though I hate to know others like you struggled too, the more I learn that other intelligent, good people in the world have dealt with this and moved forward, the more empowered I feel to keep going too. It’s good to know we aren’t alone. Isolation is hard—but there are many people who have felt this way and there is no reason to feel alone. I try to make sure my children never feel alone in this. Thank you for your support!
I have never been diagnosed with anything other than depression, mild ocd, and anxiety. But, I will say I know a lot of what overlapped on the diagram has been my experience. This was super validating to read. Thank you!
Holding space for you! I hear you. Sorry you’ve been through some of this but glad to hear that it felt validating to read this. Your experience is yours and true—I hope you might find strength and solidarity in knowing you are not alone.
Another post that made me think. My mind jumping from one thing to another.
I was thinking of the word 'diagnosis' and then the other: 'label'.
I can identify, feel a lot of what you've unpacked in this post. And I am not disagreeing with you, but I am thinking of how I have this deep, strong feeling of diagnosing everything and everyone for being different except accepting them the way they are. And I understand that diagnosis shouldn't be a negative thing, shouldn't be something that puts a label on someone's forehead. But I do believe that it is now what is going on. One person becomes this and the other person is that. It's like a system to find who belongs to where. Which is good if you want to have a deeper understanding of that group in general, but I still don't like it. Because I want to like you for who you are. I don't want to understand you because I read some research paper, but because you told me how you felt in a given situation. Because I spent enough time with you, sitting down, talking and listening to each-other's words. I don't want you or me or whoever to become statistics, a folder, a file in a drawer in an office somewhere, a fragment of a database for people in lab coats. I want to stay human and I want to feel that, hear that, speak that. If it makes any sense. And it was an issue for me that I came across early on. When as a teen I felt I needed to talk someone and somehow I ended up at a doctor's office and talked to her and she prescribed me antidepressants. I left and I thought that there is no way I am taking anything. I'll be labeled as crazy if I do. So I threw the prescription into the garbage and dealt with my stuff somehow, in my own way. I know, I was lucky because I could overcome whatever issue I had. Not everyone is that lucky. And I am grateful for those who are there to help. In lab coats, with medical experience, but I am deeply against labeling, and I will never want to look at someone and see ADHD or anything else put on their foreheads. I want to see them as people who like reading books, who write nice poems, who like long walks, enjoy smelling flowers, can sit still long enough to enjoy hugs, who can daydream or be any different than what I've just explained, but have their own likes and dislikes and not their acronyms on their foreheads, their labels as a shortcut to the personality, the template, the category it should fall into.
I hope it makes sense.
It was a very interesting read. I understand it's important to understand ourselves and please do not take my comment as criticism. This is just how I think about 'diagnosis' of human behavior in general.
I loved the picture attached once again. :)
Thanks for the thought-provoking post, once again! :)
I understand that perspective. Sometimes labels can feel harmful instead of helpful. One of my children has refused diagnosis for this same reason and I've never forced that on him. Though, because of this, they've never been able to receive any help for their struggles outside of the little help and understanding that I've been able to provide. More often than not, they've just felt misunderstood and isolated. While no one should feel as though they are nothing but a diagnosis or a label, the sense of belonging and understanding that comes with a medical diagnosis can provide relief for those who seek to know why they think and feel the way they do. It doesn't mean they are wrong or bad... but rather it explains why their brains work the way they do. I think if medical professionals took this approach more often instead of trying to "fix people," they might find that more people would be curious to learn about how their brains and their psychology works together. I find it all very fascinating! :)
Let me also say that, it's my belief that in many times when we feel isolated, it's not because we have a problem. We shouldn't always look inside for anything to fix. The depression or feeling low or sad is not the problem. It's a symptom, an effect that the environment has on us.
In my case I know now that it was not my fault. I was not hated for who i was but for being different and being brave enough to voice my opinion and not laying down and accepting whatever was given, coming my way.
Sometimes it 'them' who are the problem. I should not go to the doctor for pills for feeling sad because there is a bully in school who has problems at home and is fixated of living out his/her frustration by making my life miserable. I wish I stood up for myself more when I was a kid instead of letting her get away with all the crap she pulled and then let her smile at me just a few years ago when we were standing face to face at a healthcare center where I went to set up an appointment for my dying father. And she looked like she didn't remember. Well, I did.
When it comes to bullies, like that girl (woman), or like my own grandma, or Wyatt in school who is a pain in the butt, I now get annoyed and stand the F up. So I teach my daughter bad words and tell her to look him in the eye and tell him the bad word in Hungarian. Nobody else in school will know the meaning of it but her and it will confuse the hell out of the litte ... and she will feel better. He doesn't deserve seeing her cry.
It's not us, who are the problem. It's that we don't spend enough time to get to know and accept one another for who we are and we don't demand fair treatment but shrink and sit down, hide away in quiet corners, not wanting confrontation, the spotlight and fearing that the world would not understand our point of view anyway.
Yes, so the power is in the numbers. We should find each-other and pull together to protect ourselves from the evil, but we need to find the way of doing so without giving ammunition to the bad guys lurking around, waiting for the right moment to take advantage of our weaknesses.
Yes, but in these societies (not only where I grew up), and especially in these current climates we should be more vigilant and stay in a big heterogenous group (where we can still find our friends), and not give a chance to anyone to single any of us out based on those labels.
Data can be breached and it is breached all the time and is intentionally used against us. Lets not go any further than think of the many spam calls we receive on the daily basis. Why is that? Phone numbers, names, addresses, credit scores and other information are data that we give out in good faith and can be used against us later if they fall into the wrong hands.
I know. I worry too much. It's not because I belong to any groups. It's because this is what I've seen and what I am experiencing and therefore what I fear can happen again. We need to stick together, pay attention to one another and reach out and help whenever we can. Possibly without leaving a paper trail.
This response is intended to cover both responses—to connect them I'll say "yes and..." I hear you and agree that we must stick together and reject attempts to tear us down. But what if there was a different way forward? One that didn't require us to lash back with hatred or harm? What if we could teach our kids to lean in with wonder, curiosity, and compassion so that even while guarding themselves, protecting their boundaries, and standing up for themselves—they could identify lashing out as hurt in others and encourage them to seek introspection and healing. Love is the fiercest weapon when wielded properly. I think too often we are taught that love is a mushy, soft idea that involves romance or niceness when really compassion can be hard fought and drudged through mud... love can be hard, ugly, and bold. And most importantly, it can overcome. I think this leaves our children feeling restored instead of depleted as well. Of course, we all do the best we can and there are times when different tools may need to be used. Certainly we aren't going to fight with love when someone is trying to injure our child, but hopefully you know what I mean. When possible, love is the best weapon. And like you said, sticking together is crucial, always. ✨💖✨
I agree with you that we should utilize love to be empathetic,
only I fear that takes too much time until they'll be able to protect themselves and if we need to stand up for our kids or for those who can't stand up for themselves, we need to use our brains, to protect our hearts.
I could tell her to go and hug Wyatt and tell him 'Thanks for being who you are and let me know if you want to hang out', but I doubt that she'd want to do that or that Wyatt has the emotional capacity to respond the right way.
What if his (diagnosed or undiagnosed) neurodiversity is the reason for that lack of emotional capacity? This is another way for us to stick together, even if it doesn't seem like it at first. We find cohesion and coalition when we apply compassion. We identify sameness when we see ourselves in one another.
Thank you for sharing your personal story. I believe that telling our stories is important for healing ourselves and helping others to heal. Making deep connections has always been a source of happiness for me, rather than having many superficial relationships.
I can recognize from your description that I was a very sensitive child and being empathetic was very valuable in my career as a teacher of young children. I always connected with those who were ‘outside the bubble’.
Again thanks for sharing.
Thank you, Maya for making me feel seen! Special people like you who see others outside of the "norm" are very important. Not all people have that gift. I'm so glad to know that you chose a career as a teacher of young children. May all children be so lucky as to have someone like this in their lives. 💖🙏
I love substack. It is wonderful to connect with others who have similar experience ideas and feelings. 🌸🌺
Bravo, Michelle. 👏👏 I loved this. As a Highly Sensitive Child/Person, I can relate to much of what you shared. I too grew up outside the bubble. I always have felt apart from, rather than part of. And there were definitely things kids discussed that I just didn't comprehend. Like you, as one of the youngest in my class,I was academically advanced, but emotionally and socially behind.
You've presented yourself and your experiences so beautifully and in a way I think many can relate to. You contribute to this online community in unique and special ways. Keep it up!
Thank you! 🙏 Though I hate to know others like you struggled too, the more I learn that other intelligent, good people in the world have dealt with this and moved forward, the more empowered I feel to keep going too. It’s good to know we aren’t alone. Isolation is hard—but there are many people who have felt this way and there is no reason to feel alone. I try to make sure my children never feel alone in this. Thank you for your support!
Thank you for sharing Michelle. As a parent of a child with ADHD and my own issues with anxiety, your words struck a cord.
I have never been diagnosed with anything other than depression, mild ocd, and anxiety. But, I will say I know a lot of what overlapped on the diagram has been my experience. This was super validating to read. Thank you!
Holding space for you! I hear you. Sorry you’ve been through some of this but glad to hear that it felt validating to read this. Your experience is yours and true—I hope you might find strength and solidarity in knowing you are not alone.
Another post that made me think. My mind jumping from one thing to another.
I was thinking of the word 'diagnosis' and then the other: 'label'.
I can identify, feel a lot of what you've unpacked in this post. And I am not disagreeing with you, but I am thinking of how I have this deep, strong feeling of diagnosing everything and everyone for being different except accepting them the way they are. And I understand that diagnosis shouldn't be a negative thing, shouldn't be something that puts a label on someone's forehead. But I do believe that it is now what is going on. One person becomes this and the other person is that. It's like a system to find who belongs to where. Which is good if you want to have a deeper understanding of that group in general, but I still don't like it. Because I want to like you for who you are. I don't want to understand you because I read some research paper, but because you told me how you felt in a given situation. Because I spent enough time with you, sitting down, talking and listening to each-other's words. I don't want you or me or whoever to become statistics, a folder, a file in a drawer in an office somewhere, a fragment of a database for people in lab coats. I want to stay human and I want to feel that, hear that, speak that. If it makes any sense. And it was an issue for me that I came across early on. When as a teen I felt I needed to talk someone and somehow I ended up at a doctor's office and talked to her and she prescribed me antidepressants. I left and I thought that there is no way I am taking anything. I'll be labeled as crazy if I do. So I threw the prescription into the garbage and dealt with my stuff somehow, in my own way. I know, I was lucky because I could overcome whatever issue I had. Not everyone is that lucky. And I am grateful for those who are there to help. In lab coats, with medical experience, but I am deeply against labeling, and I will never want to look at someone and see ADHD or anything else put on their foreheads. I want to see them as people who like reading books, who write nice poems, who like long walks, enjoy smelling flowers, can sit still long enough to enjoy hugs, who can daydream or be any different than what I've just explained, but have their own likes and dislikes and not their acronyms on their foreheads, their labels as a shortcut to the personality, the template, the category it should fall into.
I hope it makes sense.
It was a very interesting read. I understand it's important to understand ourselves and please do not take my comment as criticism. This is just how I think about 'diagnosis' of human behavior in general.
I loved the picture attached once again. :)
Thanks for the thought-provoking post, once again! :)
H.
I understand that perspective. Sometimes labels can feel harmful instead of helpful. One of my children has refused diagnosis for this same reason and I've never forced that on him. Though, because of this, they've never been able to receive any help for their struggles outside of the little help and understanding that I've been able to provide. More often than not, they've just felt misunderstood and isolated. While no one should feel as though they are nothing but a diagnosis or a label, the sense of belonging and understanding that comes with a medical diagnosis can provide relief for those who seek to know why they think and feel the way they do. It doesn't mean they are wrong or bad... but rather it explains why their brains work the way they do. I think if medical professionals took this approach more often instead of trying to "fix people," they might find that more people would be curious to learn about how their brains and their psychology works together. I find it all very fascinating! :)
Let me also say that, it's my belief that in many times when we feel isolated, it's not because we have a problem. We shouldn't always look inside for anything to fix. The depression or feeling low or sad is not the problem. It's a symptom, an effect that the environment has on us.
In my case I know now that it was not my fault. I was not hated for who i was but for being different and being brave enough to voice my opinion and not laying down and accepting whatever was given, coming my way.
Sometimes it 'them' who are the problem. I should not go to the doctor for pills for feeling sad because there is a bully in school who has problems at home and is fixated of living out his/her frustration by making my life miserable. I wish I stood up for myself more when I was a kid instead of letting her get away with all the crap she pulled and then let her smile at me just a few years ago when we were standing face to face at a healthcare center where I went to set up an appointment for my dying father. And she looked like she didn't remember. Well, I did.
When it comes to bullies, like that girl (woman), or like my own grandma, or Wyatt in school who is a pain in the butt, I now get annoyed and stand the F up. So I teach my daughter bad words and tell her to look him in the eye and tell him the bad word in Hungarian. Nobody else in school will know the meaning of it but her and it will confuse the hell out of the litte ... and she will feel better. He doesn't deserve seeing her cry.
It's not us, who are the problem. It's that we don't spend enough time to get to know and accept one another for who we are and we don't demand fair treatment but shrink and sit down, hide away in quiet corners, not wanting confrontation, the spotlight and fearing that the world would not understand our point of view anyway.
Yes, so the power is in the numbers. We should find each-other and pull together to protect ourselves from the evil, but we need to find the way of doing so without giving ammunition to the bad guys lurking around, waiting for the right moment to take advantage of our weaknesses.
Sorry, I am not sorry. :)
Yes, but in these societies (not only where I grew up), and especially in these current climates we should be more vigilant and stay in a big heterogenous group (where we can still find our friends), and not give a chance to anyone to single any of us out based on those labels.
Data can be breached and it is breached all the time and is intentionally used against us. Lets not go any further than think of the many spam calls we receive on the daily basis. Why is that? Phone numbers, names, addresses, credit scores and other information are data that we give out in good faith and can be used against us later if they fall into the wrong hands.
I know. I worry too much. It's not because I belong to any groups. It's because this is what I've seen and what I am experiencing and therefore what I fear can happen again. We need to stick together, pay attention to one another and reach out and help whenever we can. Possibly without leaving a paper trail.
This response is intended to cover both responses—to connect them I'll say "yes and..." I hear you and agree that we must stick together and reject attempts to tear us down. But what if there was a different way forward? One that didn't require us to lash back with hatred or harm? What if we could teach our kids to lean in with wonder, curiosity, and compassion so that even while guarding themselves, protecting their boundaries, and standing up for themselves—they could identify lashing out as hurt in others and encourage them to seek introspection and healing. Love is the fiercest weapon when wielded properly. I think too often we are taught that love is a mushy, soft idea that involves romance or niceness when really compassion can be hard fought and drudged through mud... love can be hard, ugly, and bold. And most importantly, it can overcome. I think this leaves our children feeling restored instead of depleted as well. Of course, we all do the best we can and there are times when different tools may need to be used. Certainly we aren't going to fight with love when someone is trying to injure our child, but hopefully you know what I mean. When possible, love is the best weapon. And like you said, sticking together is crucial, always. ✨💖✨
I agree with you that we should utilize love to be empathetic,
only I fear that takes too much time until they'll be able to protect themselves and if we need to stand up for our kids or for those who can't stand up for themselves, we need to use our brains, to protect our hearts.
I could tell her to go and hug Wyatt and tell him 'Thanks for being who you are and let me know if you want to hang out', but I doubt that she'd want to do that or that Wyatt has the emotional capacity to respond the right way.
What if his (diagnosed or undiagnosed) neurodiversity is the reason for that lack of emotional capacity? This is another way for us to stick together, even if it doesn't seem like it at first. We find cohesion and coalition when we apply compassion. We identify sameness when we see ourselves in one another.
I messaged you. Can you pls check it and respond?
it's the paper trail that I have the problem with mostly. And lack of time.